MUCH ADO ABOUT SOMETHING

Good morrow to you, my faithful Droogies out there in the blogisphere. It has been some time since I lasted posted, and for that I apologize from the deep bowls of my heart. You see, I have been working on a Jerry Maguire-esque rant as to why so many once bankable movie stars and established fixtures in the independent film world are now relocating their tinsel town condos to TV-Ville.

The long and the short of it is, that post just became too darn long and pedantic (and that’s so new?). So being the benevolent beast you have all come to love and respect, I felt there is no reason me to subject any of you to that drivel, especially when I can just bombard you will this drivel.

So away we go…

Bill Shakes from the Stratford-Upon-Avon Press once wrote, "TV, or not TV, that is the question: whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous drivel, or to take arms against a sea of knockoffs, and by opposing end them."

(Narrator’s Note – There is no Bill Shakes or a Stratford-Upon-Avon Press. And if you don’t get the reference I would pull a Billy Madison and go back to the Seventh Grade…then you’re sure to understand the reference...Ms. Veronica Vaughn, so hot, want to touch the heiny OOOWWWW!)

Yes, my honorable Droogies, it is that time again. No, not the major league baseball post season. No, not the time when the Presidential race kicks it into high gear. No, it’s not the time of year when we get 80 degree days at the end of September, and you begin to worrying, so you start only buying produce from local NY farmers to lower your carbon footprint.

Man, you people are way off, and to be honest you have to start getting your priorities straight because I am about to tell you what time it is…it’s the best time of the year - the start of the new TV season!

On the planet "boob-tube", their seasons are slightly different from ours. And our Fall is considered their Spring - a time of renewal and fresh hope. But I’m confident in saying that with all the hype that surrounds our Spring season, it’s never is as good as the mental illusion that we have built it up to be. In reality, Spring brings days upon days upon nights of rain, and of course allergies. But outside of wet clothes and the sniffles, spring also always bring nice surprises – a new rooftop bar in your neighborhood, a cool breeze when it’s least expected, and let’s not forget the overly promiscuous clothes and the over abundance of hormones.

And in a very slant-rhyme way we come all the way back around to the new TV season.

By most accounts the 2007 fall TV line-up was the least enticing in recent memory. Not many, "gotta see" new series; and too many "Ugg, I think I am just going to watch whatever is on VH1 instead" type shows. But, since I am a connoisseur of all things pop-culture and hype; as your humble Narrator I have subjected myself to almost all of the new Fall TV line-up and am here to download you all with my proven and reliable thoughts and opinions.

BUT…before I begin you must understand this is not just going to be quick bite-sizec reviews of just the new shows. I’m going to be hopping all over the place and drop some science on ya’ll about many of the returning shows as well. So to quote my pretend best friend Hunter Thompson, "The possibility of physical and mental collapse are now very real. No sympathy for the Devil. Keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride."

So let’s begin…

NEW SHOWS - BEST BETS
There are only a few new shows that I’ve seen that have really popped. Mostly, it’s just been one inane product after another. Which has made it much easier for the so called, cream, to rise to the top.

First off is BIONIC WOMAN. Totally and utterly awesome. Even before I saw frame one of this program I was intrigued. For this reimagining of an otherwise forgettable show, NBC brought in David Eik who resurrected BATTLESTAR GALLACTICA to a fraking monster hit. Then they surround him with a solid cast, lead by the talented Michelle Ryan (from BBC’s EAS ENDERS). What’s so cool about this show is the fact that it shares the same tone and accessibility that BATTLESTAR has. It’s got the perfect balance of cheekiness, action, drama, and sci-fi so all types of audiences can enjoy it. And on a personal level, the fact that they sprinkle in tons of intertextual references to other geek shows and films just makes BIONIC WOMAN a blast to watch. But more importantly they cast Katie Sackoff (from BATTLESTAR fame - Kara "Starbuck" Thrace) as the evil Bionic Woman…well, to this, all I have to say is, "Fellow geeks of the world unite!" (Seriously the geek juice oozing off this show is so thick and sweet you could bottle it and then drizzle it over pancakes).

Next…PUSHING DAISIES. This is one entertainingly twisted show which seems like it came from the mind of Tim Burton and David Lynch’s love child who just happens to be a less drugged out and mildly sweet Edger Allen Poe. Led by the fantastic Lee Pace, the first episode (directed by Barry Sonnenfeld) plays like a Fractured Fairytale. The rest of the cast is strong, but the oddity of the show’s premise and style could turn some viewers off. The thing that scares me most about this show is that I might like it too much, and when the peasants (that actually have influence over TV programming) have their say, the show will be yanked out from underneath me. It could be an ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT and THE LOOP all over again. That said, my dear Droogies, if you trust me at all…please try this show. You will like it. Oh, and tell your friends.

In the realm of reality TV, the biggest, and most pleasant, surprise has been KITCHEN NIGHTMARES. OK, I have to be upfront about this…I have a major man crush on Gordon Ramsey. I want to hang out with him, I think he is hilarious. I love how he just says what he thinks. Plus he’s like a walking Mamet play. The guy just knows how and when to use profanity. He says it in a way that just stings (plus he’s given me one of my all time favorite new curses…"F—king Donkey"). Oh, and the show is really entertaining.

Finally, LIFE. In your humble narrator’s opinion, this is the best new show of the season. Forget the fact that I’ve been a semi-cultish follower of the lead actor, Damien Lewis, since he played Lt. Winters on HBO’s BAND OF BROTHERS. And you should also let slide that LIFE is basically HOUSE set in a police station (even down to the fact that Damien Lewis is British like Hugh Laurie, and looks oddly similar to him as well). All of this aside, LIFE is a very well put together piece of television. It’s well acted, well written, and well shot. But it’s the premise that’s most intriguing; a former cop gets out of prison after 12 years because of new evidence proving his innocence, and as a result the state has awarded him an undisclosed multi million dollar settlement. Then for reasons not yet known, the cop rejoins the force. Is here there to do good, or to take down the system and uncover the conspiracy that sent him away and took is former life away. Great stuff, can’t wait to see more.

COULD BE GOOD…JUST GIVE IT FOUR EPISODES
I am a practicing member of the "Rule of Four". What is that you ask? Well, I am a firm believer that any new TV show will reveal its true colors after four episodes. How did I come to this conclusion? Purely by luck.

Here’s the short version, when HBO’s THE WIRE first premiered, I could not get through the first episode, so I ditched it. But after hearing all the praise it received, I decided before the second season began to try it again. I still did not like the first episode, but told myself I’d give it three more. By the end of the fourth episode I was hooked, and I’ve gone on using this formula ever since. And I am glad I have because it’s worked for such shows as THE RICHES, BIG LOVE, THE UNIT, and BROTHERS AND SISTERS. (Just a quick clarification; some shows are just plain awful, and do not warrant having the Rule of Four applied to them. These shows are the obvious ones like, TWO AND A HALF MEN, TIL DEATH, and THE CLASS)

Much like BROTHERS AND SISTERS last season, this season’s DIRTY SEXY MONEY just feels like a great show trapped in a mediocre pilot episode. This show could be the new DYNASTY, a sexy back-stabbing show about rich people doing evil things to each other. The cast and creative team behind it is too good for this show to be bad, but so far it has been. I’ll give it a few more episodes though.

Next up is CHUCK. I actually did not like the first episode of this show at all, and the second one was not much better. That said, this show just feels like something I should like - a computer geek mistakenly has all the government’s top secrets downloaded into his brain, and as a result a hot CIA agent becomes his protector, and they go off on wacky adventures…yeah, how can I not like that. But the fact is, the show kind of blows. I am sure I’ll drop this, but for now, it stays.
As of this past week’s episode the CW’s REAPER might move up to the "best bets" category, but something tells me not to shift it just yet. I really liked the pilot episode, it was funny, it was quirky, and it was directed by Kevin Smith. Also the show stars Bret Harrison from THE LOOP, and ya’ll know how I feel about that show (AWESOME). Anyway, the concept of REAPER is hilarious - on his 21st birthday, Sam discovers his parents sold his soul to the devil before birth and he must now be a bounty hunter for the devil until he dies. The devil is played brilliantly by the long time character actor Ray Wise, and the rest of the cast consists of strong performers from other non-successful shows. The thing that scares me about REAPER is that so far every show has been the same - Sam reluctantly has to go search for an escaped soul with his buddies, and in the process learns a life lesson about himself. To me, this will get old, I need a little more development. From what my trusted friends in geek world tell me, that’s just how the CW shows are, flimsy and thin. If this is the case, I’ll stop watching, but for now, REAPER is my guilty pleasure of the fall season.

STAY THE F—K AWAY
Now, because my parents raised me right, and taught me to do unto others as you would expect them to do to you (the only exception is if they are Red Sox fans); being the good Narrator that I am, I’ve sacrificed my time, energy, patience, and brain cells to watch some of the worst pilots on TV in recent years. Since I don’t want to relive those experiences too much, I am going to be brief…

K VILLE – WOW, what an ungodly piece of excrement. So poorly done on all levels. My wife and I knew it wasn’t, but seriously hoped the show was going to wind up being a comedy because some of the choices the creators made were just RE-DIC-U-LOUS!

JOURNEYMAN – Don’t even think about tasting this piece. This is a minor league show trying its best to play in the bigs. Honestly…who cares. Avoid at all costs.

CAVEMEN – Oh boy. I could write an entire blog on why this show failed. But the fact that it’s based on a series of commercials produced by an insurance company should just about tell you how much this show blows Cro-Magnon balls.

CARPOOLERS – I really wanted to like this show, it’s created, written, and directed by Bruce McCullagh from KIDS IN THE HALL, so you know I did give it an honest try. But even my Dan Silver-Lining taste could not make up for how bad it is. It’s just bad.

BACK TO YOU – Back to another cheesy Kelsy Grammer and Patricia Heaton show that’s made to air at the John J’s in Boca Raton Florida during the early-bird special. Ouchy!

PRIVATE PRACTICE – Publicly sucked! (And that comes from my wife, I didn’t see it, she just wanted me to include that…GO ABBY!)

BIG SHOTS – Another great cast in a mediocre show. I thought about putting this in "The Rule of Four" section, but when I didn’t even care about watching the second episode I realized I had it in the right section.

(Quick question…why hasn’t Michael Vartan become a bigger deal? He’s fracken great. He can do comedy, drama, action…will someone please give him a role he can shine in please????!!!)

BACK WITH A VENGANCE
I would be remiss if I did not touch upon some of the returning shows, especially since some of them have made some positive changes to their tried and true formulas. More than this, some of them have just made some outright ballsy choices upon their return.

The most ballsy of choices has come from THE UNIT and HOUSE.

At the end of last season on THE UNIT, the "Unit" (a special military division that only answers to The President) was dissolved and all it’s members were in hiding or on trial for war crimes they did not commit. Fine, sounds like a perfect cliffhanger for the season. But in normal "TV Land" shows usually comes back in the fall and ease their audiences back into the action in hopes that new viewers have come aboard. Not THE UNIT, they started this season fast and furious. The first episode felt like the last 30 minutes of a Michael Bay/Jerry Bruckheimer movies…WHAM, BAM, BOOM, BANG…and lots of it. And if you were new to the show, you’d have zero idea of what was going on. So far in season three, THE UNIT has proven it does not care about new viewers, it just cares about making the best show possible and keeping their current audience happy. The adrenaline level on the show had been raised to 11, and that’s a good thing. David Mamet and Shawn Ryan have a killer show on their hands. I just hope they can keep it up all season long.

HOUSE is a much more popular show than THE UNIT, and as a result the changes the HOUSE folks have made (to me) are much more significant. In short, at the end of season three, the shows five main characters quit, took other jobs, or were fired (not for real…just their characters). At the start of this season, Dr. House began to interview new candidates to replace the old ones. Again, on a normal show, at the end of the new season’s premiere some deus ex machine would occur and all three old characters would be back bickering with House, and the audience would be happy because everything was back to normal. Not on HOUSE. Not only have the writers made it clear that Foreman, Chase, and Cameron have zero intention of coming back, these three beloved characters are treated as after-thoughts, barely appearing in the new episodes. As a loyal audience member of HOUSE, I know that Foreman, Chase, and Cameron will be back, but every week I keep checking the opening credits to see if the three actors are still being billed…THAT’S HOW GOOD THIS SHOW IS…they keep me guessing, I know how it all ends. On another level, HOUSE has reinvented itself visually. For three seasons the show has not really been an example of visual superiority on TV (nor did it need to be, this is a character and story show). But starting with the first episode of season 4, HOUSE dropped the camera off the steady-cam and tripods and went hand-held. Now, they have not totally abandoned the old look, but based on the first three episodes of this new season, there are moments in the show that play almost like a documentary. It’s a terrific choice, and I hope they keep going with it.

In an hour drama you have a lot of time to play…change things up from week to week, and if it doesn’t work, more time to change it back. It’s much harder with a half-hour comedy, and that’s why what MY NAME IS EARL has done is most impressive. At the end of last season Earl was put in prison for taking the rap on a crime Joy (his pregnant ex-wife and still close friend) committed. And based on the way things are going, it looks like Earl is not going to get out of prison any time soon. So what do the writers do, they turn the show upside down. They get rid of Earl’s list and have him strike a deal with the warden so that for every "good deed" he does, Earl gets a week off his sentence. Now EARL as a show has not been afraid to take chances (instead of doing a normal "look back show" Earl did a spoof on the show COPS to give background on all their characters, they also did a whole RASHOMON episode). This twist keeps the show fresh, and so far has been working out really well.

NEW SEASON, SAME SHOW, AND THAT’S A GOOD THING (SOMETIMES)
The lightning round. This is where I briefly give my quick thoughts on all the rest of the returning show. OK, Chip, away we go…

PRISON BREAK – This show is so stupid, but I love it to death. I like that they appear to take themselves to seriously, yet completely have their tongue firmly pressed in their cheek. The fact that they started this season with half the cast in a Mexican prison that has to guards and is run by the inmates should tell you what kind of show this is. Also, I think Wentworth Miller and Dominic Purcell could give Alec Baldwin a run for his money when is comes to talking in a whisper.

HEROES – Got off to a so so start with the first two episodes of the new season, but there’s SOOOO much to cover after the grand finale of season one that as audience members we should be patient and let them catch up. That said, I am dying to see the episode that shows us what happened in the four months between the season one finale and the first episode of season two. I have a feeling that’s when the show will really start rolling. Finally, this past week’s episode with Sylar was great. Wouldn’t it be cool if he’s on the same island as the guys from Lost?

UGLY BETTY – Season two picks up right where season one ended, so, so far so good. As long as this show keeps its soapy candy coated feel, it has nothing to worry about. All I ask it that they give me more Marc and Amanda moments. They are the true stars of this show.

SURVIVOR: CHINA – It’s Survivor, how can it not be good. The show has the best reality host on the planet, ridiculously divine challenges, and a bunch of fun whiny contestant. What more do you want from this show? I’m pulling for the giant grave digger guy with the jacked body.

THE OFFICE – So good to have this show back. Easily the funniest and most creative show on air. I love having Pam and Jim together and Ryan being Michael’s boss was a stoke of genius. Not much else to say about this piece of comedy gold other than if you’re not watching…I HATE YOU!

30 ROCK – It’s been argued that 30 ROCK is the funniest show on TV (obviously I disagree), but I can see why people say this. I just feel the show tries to hard sometimes. By the end of last season the show was in a groove and just killing with each episode, and this season’s premiere was no different. The use of Seinfeld was great, and the cast really seems to be more comfortable playing with each other. I am looking forward to this season, and if there is a comedy god, they’ll bring back Will Arnett and make him a regular. I needs me some Will Arnett.

BROTHERS AND SISTERS – Season one got better and better with each passing week. Last year I wrote a blog entry early on in the show’s run stating that BROTHERS AND SISTERS (outside of FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS) was the best show on TV no one was watching. Soon after that the show found its legs and an audience (was it because of my post…of course it was). It’s a tremendous cast and it’s extremely well written, I’m just very happy to have the Walker family back in my life.

CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM – After two mediocre seasons, Larry and company are back in form. This season has been hilarious. Some of LD’s best work since the first and second season. His decision to give Jeff and Suzie larger roles have been paying off in a big way. The interactions between Larry and Suzie are classic. You know CURB is "on" when on Monday you quote a line from the show, and I’ve done that every Monday since the show came back (I especially like "Jew Squirrel").

THE SIMPSONS – They had a great summer with the huge BO on the film, and started the season with a cameo from Spider Pig. So not off to a bad start. What else can be said about THE SIMPSONS that hasn’t been said already? Brilliant, and this season has been on par with all the rest.

FAMILY GUY – Honestly, I don’t know why I keep watching this show? It’s always the last show on the DVR I watch, and even then I don’t find it particularly funny. The strange thing is, everyone else I know and respect, loves the show. So I feel like it’s my obligation to stay hip to the cultural zeitgeist that this show is and watch it. My friends keep telling me, "Oh, the show is so your sense of humor". I just do see it. The first episode was the much talked about Star Wars spoof, and it sucked. I didn’t laugh once. Ah whatever.

SOUTH PARK – Now this is a funny show, and probably the best cultural satire in the last 20 years (and I truly mean that). No show is as daring, shocking, or clever. The first episode of this new season had Cartman pretending to have turrets syndrome…awesome? If you think this is just an offensive show that aims to shock, well you’ve clearly never seen an episode. Try it.

THE SARAH SILVERMAN PROGRAM – I really hope that last season wasn’t a flash in the pan. I loved season one, but the first episode of season two was not funny at all. So fingers crossed it doesn’t go down hill.

IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA – The gang is back, and their hijinx are just as evil. It’s true that this show is an acquired taste, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t funny as hell. Starting off the season with the "gang" finding a baby in a dumpster just about set the tone for the fun to come. What impressed me most about this new season is that they seem to have no fear. Finally, their internet campaign prior to this season (spoofing the Apple commercials, the internet beat-box video, and the Danny Devito BJ short on Funny or Die) show how savvy these guys are when it comes to viral marketing.

KIND OF SORT OF IN THE MIDDLE
Event though these next two shows started over what was techinically "the summer" they are finishing their runs now, and I would not be handling my proper duties as your narrator or pop culture tour guide if I didn’t touch upon them.

CALIFORNIACATION – Wow this is a great show. The dialogue is almost poetic, but what makes the words truly sing is that they are delivered with such wit and charm by David Duchovny (who has never been better). Duchovny has reinvented himself as a middle-age sex symbol. That guy that every guy wants to be, and every girl want to be with. More than this, the show would be nothing without Natascha McElhone and Madeleine Martin playing Duchovny character’s ex-wife and daughter. They ground the show, and give beautifully textured performances of strong females. It reminds me of the actresses on BIG LOVE, it’s just a pleasure whenever they are on screen. Every week this show accomplishes more in a half-hour what most hour long "character driven" dramas.

DAMAGES – Another great FX show. What’s most impressive dabout DAMAGES is the way the overall story is told. The use of flashbacks and scenes of "the present" playing out simultaneously and slowly catching up to each other was an inspired decision that sets this show apart from other legal dramas. Glen Close rocks so hard as Patty Hughes. Every time here character is on screen you truly believe that she is in total control, and when you do see moments of weakness of vulnerability they are made that more powerful. But it’s the performance of Zeljko Ivanek and Ted Danson that are the highlights. Zeljko has been a staple in the NY stage community for years and his portrayal of Arthur Frobisher’s lawyer is pleasure to watch. And who knew Ted Danson was a real actor? He’s tremendous.

THANK GOD IT’S FRIDAY
Did you really think I was going to forget my favorite show? Really? I mean really? Did you really think I would NOT cover the number one thing I write about on this blog? Really? I mean come on, really? Of course I wouldn’t. Of course I would not let my faithful Droogies down by not allowing you a brief pass into the twisted freak spot in my brain that is dedicated solely to loving the show FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS.

My thoughts on the first episode of season two are these…it was just OK. I admit, it wasn’t great, but I am sick and tired of people complaining that the show has gone down hill already (and you know who you people are). I mean come on people! Seriously, the pilot episode of season one was terrible. I almost didn’t watch the rest of the season based solely on the pilot, but by episode four (referencing back…see how I come full circle in this blog) I was hooked.

So to that respect, here’s what I liked and didn’t like about FNL 2.1.

Liked:
- Coach starting the season at TMU. It will make his return to the Panthers that much sweeter.
- Lyla Garitty becoming religious. It adds a nice layer to her character. It shows that she knows she’s done wrong, but deep down wants to be a good person, and based on everything around her, religion was the easiest way to feel better about herself. It will be nice to watch Lyla shift back towards the moral middle this season.
- Mrs. Coach struggling with her own decision to support Coach in his efforts to succeed on the college level.
- The scene between Coach and his daughter in the car after he picked her up from the bar. A true FNL scene, raw, real, and true.

Disliked:
- The Landry and Tyra murder. Wow, that was such an unexpected trite and overly-dramatic move for this show. This plot point feels like it belongs on the GILMORE GIRLS rather than the more subtle FNL. I have two things to say about this; one, I thought the same thing about the Jason Street spinal injury last season, and look how well that storyline played out, and two, based on what I’ve read, it appears this plotline will carry itself out through the whole season, that tells me the writers and creative folk (we’ve come to trust) have a very organic and "real" plan to sort this out. So let’s just wait and see.
- Riggins is a Senior this season? I thought he was a Senior last year with Jason? Am I wrong on this? Did anyone else catch that?

Now, I am not going to be one of those people who say, "Where did the football show I loved go?" (again, you know who you people are) To those folks, again, I have two things to say; one, it was just one episode, give it time, and two, go back and think of your ten favorite moments from season one. I’m confident that one, maybe two of them took place on the football field. And I can almost guarantee you that of those one or two football scenes, none of them were from the pilot episode. So just be happy the best show on network TV is back.

The last thing I want to say about FNL is this, based on all the hub-a-baloo surrounding the show’s return (it being an underdog in the ratings game, all the snubbing at the Emmy’s, etc..) how could this show return and NOT be a disappointment. The stakes were too high. Let the season play out a little and then we all can judge it. OK?

WE’RE FINALLY DONE…WELL, ALMOST
Before I conclude I would like to point out some shows coming up on the horizon that everyone should keep their eyes open for.

SCRUBS – Returns at the end of the month for its final season. Will or won’t JD and Elliot finally be together, or will JD wind up with his real true love…Turk.

30 DAYS – Morgan Spurlock’s brilliant, but little seen, role-reversal documentary series returns at the end of October. If you haven’t seen it, go out and rent seasons one and two, or just start with season three. I promise, you’ll thank me.

NIP/TUCK – Dr.’s McNamara and Troy relocate to LA for season five. It’s going to be fun to watch these guys blossom as they work on starlet’s bosoms. My guilty pleasure is back!

THE RICHES – Eddie Izzard and Minnie Driver return in 2008 (at some point). A great show that is so darkly funny sometimes I feel dirty laughing. Love this show, and it could only thrive on FX.

THE SHIELD – The final season drops in early 2008. I am so excited to see what destruction Vic Mackey and his team leave behind them after their final stand. It’s going to be bloody for sure.

THE WIRE – Another final season of what many consider (including myself) to be the best show on TV. The new season has everyone returning to tackle the media. Oh you know it’s going to be good when Omar gets in front of a news crew…Fo’ Shu’.

BATTLESTAR GALACTICA – Kicking off the fourth (and some say final) season in November with a two hour movie, and then the actual season starting in January. That sound you’ll be hearing is the geeks of the world all orgasming at once when Starbuck, Adama, and Lee all finally find earth.

LOST – Who knows when it’s coming back, but after last season’s finale another layer of the onion has been peeled away and things are going to start to get smelly.

24 – Let’s just hope Jack Bauer does something interesting this new season (day). The show was so good for five seasons that I have faith that it will bounce back, but last season just plain sucked.

That’s it, that’s really it. I’ve checked my little black book and I’ve got nothing else to say. You’re humble narrator is tapped out. So take from this what you will, and disregard if you must, but don’t forget, in the end I am always right. Thanks for reading, till next time...

Keep on, keep'n on.

(On a personal note, I would like to dedicate all the above photos to Kevin Wildes)